I Wish I Wrote a Smidgen as Well

This post over at Breed 'Em and Weep really captures how great dogs (and cats too) truly are.

Front End of Business

Shaking His Groove Thang

B-A-T-H

I can't even say that awful awful word out loud. The thought of it makes me shudder. Ewwww! Yesterday, it finally stopped snowing and it was actually 75 degrees. That's right. 75 degrees Fahrenheit. That's, um, warmish-hot in Celsius. And of course, with what does warm weather equate? Yes, that's right, water and soap. On me. What's wrong with the way I smell? I am glorious in my odoriferous wonder. I like to call it Canine Couture. But no. Mommy and Daddy thought I smelled a little like wet dog. Well what did they think was going to happen after they bathed me? Hmm? WET DOG AGAIN. Duh.

The thing is that Mommy is a good con woman. To get me over to the bathing spot, she pulls out my leash like we are going for a walk. So of course I'm all "OH BOY! OH BOY! WE'RE GOING FOR A WALK!" And then I realize: "Wait a minute, I know where you are taking me. " This is when I use my full body weight, dig my heels into the ground, and STOP THIS MADNESS. Eventually, after pushing, prodding, begging, and bribing, I reluctantly follow Mommy to the bathing spot.

WHOOSH! A stream of lukewarm water hits me. Humans seriously enjoy showers? And then, the worst part. Mommy squirts the lilac girlish smelling shampoo down my long back and on my tummy. Couldn't she have chosen something more manly? Like Eau de Mud Puddle? I must admit, I enjoyed the massaging of the soap into my skin. Okay, this isn't so bad. I can take this for awhile.

WHOOSH! Yet again, she hits me with the water. Wasn't once enough? Bleck! Finally, after rinsing, rinsing, rinsing, rinsing, AND rinsing again, the soap is gone.

Now it's time for me to shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah all the water off. WHOOHOO! This is the best part. Mommy takes a huge towel and begins the drying process. This is the part where I take my massive cranium and play the part of the bull. I crash into the towel and into Mommy to rub my head dry. This is fun!

Finally the game is over. Mommy brings me a new fresh bowl of water and two treats, really I think I deserved twenty, and for the rest of the day I alternated between relaxing in the sun and shade. I know, I know, I really lead such a hard life.

An Embarrassing Confession

I want this.

And on a side note, Mr. Stinny is at the vet's for a follow-up visit. He has finally provided Doc with a urine sample. Other than peeing, he has done the following things with his litter:

1. Eaten it.



2. Slept in it.

The Great Outdoors

I can feel it in my bones. Minus the bones that were so viciously and maliciously removed last July. WHO NEEDS THOSE BONES! Four legs are for the weak! Sorry, just trying to convince myself.

The weather is starting to turn. Enough with the cold wind, rain, and snow. Enough with the frozen ground and puddles of mud. Enough with the grey skies and hidden sun. I can feel it in my bones that the weather is getting warmer and sunnier and drier.

Enough with spending ten minutes outside in the rain and snow. I have had enough.

I'm ready for walks down the street, romps with the my dog friends, and perhaps a trip to the lake. I'm awaiting sunny days where all I do is relax in the middle of my yard and soak in the sun while mommy and daddy work in the garden, mow the grass, and sit with a glass of lemonade, soaking in the sun.

Don't get me wrong. At one time, I enjoyed playing in the puddles and romping in the snow. Things have changed. A foot of snow is not as inviting as it once was. It is now a challenge, an obstacle.

So now, I am ready for the sun's warmth, a weekend day, and a romp in the park with my friends. Who would like to join me?

New Photographs

I have gorgous new photographs of Finny. I promise to post them this week. He is really a handsome man!

Vote for ME!

Thank you Emma for the nomination! I feel so very special.

My Secret Girlfriend

Shhhh!!! Don't tell anyone! I have a secret crush on a very lovely lady. She's tall and leggy and GOR-GOUS! I hope she likes me too!

Keeping Up with the Jojo's

After really cold weather, snow, and Mommy working late, we finally took a walk around the block. As usual, I began my walk by storming ahead toward the end of the block, full of energy and determination. Once we arrived at the corner, I found wonderful scents by the fire hydrant and spent my time inhaling the glorious markings of my canine cohorts. I moved along slowly, taking in the sights and smells. We continued down the street and around the corner. Mommy let me take my time. Because this block is quite long, I began to get a little tired and slowed down considerably.

In the beginning, I gallopedgallopedgalloped. At this point it became a: Hop...Hop...Hop.

No worries. We were in no rush. We kept at this pace until we reached the corner. And there he was. A white faced beagle with a white haired man. The beagle lunged forward on his leash. His tail wagged furiously in delight at the sight of me. The man held him back.

"Wow! What kind of dog is he?"

"An Irish Wolfhound."

Mommy told him about my cancer, how I loved other dogs, and how old I was. Since when do we talk about our ages? Rude, Mother! The white haired man told Mommy that the white faced dog was eleven years old. Eleven! The dog had more energy than I had as a puppy. Because the beagle looked faster than me, Mommy let them go ahead so I could lumber along.

"Come on, Jojo!" the white haired man said as he pulled the energetic beast along.

I am sure Mommy expected me to continue my Hop...Hop...Hop... No way. I was not going to look like I couldn't keep up with that ancient beagle. So, what did I do? I took off. I practically dragged Mommy behind me. When the white haired man saw that I was almost behind them, he crossed the street because he was worried with all of Jojo's energy, Jojo would hurt me.

Hurt me? The big majestic Irish Wolfhound? The breed that can take down wolves, wild boar, and Irish elk? The dog who can still give the smack down with just one front leg left?

I don't think so. Even with three legs, I will still be top dog.

Uh Oh

Imagine, two humans, a few cats, and a very big dog relaxing in the living room. The television is glowing. Mommy is perusing the Internet and Daddy is reading a science magazine. The scene is calm and relaxing until...

Daddy: What is that smell?

Mommy: Ewww!

I try to stay as still as possible. Perhaps they won't suspect me. Even Shrimpycat and Lilly look disgusted by the smell. Mr. Stinny appears confused. Maybe if I sniff Donald, they will think it's him. Okay, sniffing Donald didn't work as he hissed and smacked me on the nose. OW!

Mommy and Daddy: FINNEGAN!!!

Mommy: YUCK!

No such luck. I guess the Innova Evo Large Bites has a not so enchanting effect on my posterior.

National Taste Test - Food #2

Creepy quiet announcer voice in background: Again, Finnegan does not know it, because honestly he doesn't really care, as long as he gets fed, I mean come really but oh yeah, Finnegan doesn't know it but we have switched his national dog food brand with Canidae Lamb and Rice.

[Three scoops of doggy goodness clink into his stainless steel bowl]

CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP SUCTION NOISE GULP - AHHHHHHH. BELCH.

Creepy quiet announcer voice returns: Well, this is a shocker. Finnegan gobbled down his food without noticing anything was different. I mean, he used to eat lamb and rice, and OH! This is lamb and rice. This dog is not a very discriminating connoisseur of lamb and rice. What a chump. He must be one of those white trash Irish Wolfhounds from out west.

What, huh? It's supposed to be different than my usual Lamb and Rice? Really? More pricey? Okay. Sure. It's um, reminiscent of a French Bordeaux, or something....like...that. What? Less fillers so my poops are smaller? Really? But I love huge poops! I want satellite dishes from outer space to SEE my poops. They are glorious! All should pay homage to my huge poops!

[Finnegan, your mom and dad do not want huge poops to pick up. Sorry, buddy.]

Creepy whispering announcer voice: The real test: will Finnegan emit noxious fumes from his arse or run to the back door with his bum cheeks clenched together.

[Okay, not a pleasant image but it's our reality man!]

[Several hours later and no fumes or runny dogsbursts]

Creepy voice: Well folks, the proof is in the pooping. No fumes, no diarrhea, and smaller more compact poops for easy scooping. And frankly, I don't think this dog would notice if we cut up a Jimmy Choo strappy stiletto and put it in his bowl. He would eat that too. Tune in next time when Finnegan tries Timberwolf and some other flavors of Innova and Canidae and doesn't. even. notice.

There was thunder, and lightening, and it was SCARY!

WHAT THE?

*CRASH* *BOOM* *FLASH*

Not that again! It's only April. We are not supposed to have scary scary storms until at least June! Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I can handle this. If I stay really really still, nothing can get me. Nothing can get me. Go to my happy place. I'm prancing with four legs at the dog park. I'm prancing with four legs at the dog park.

CRASH!

[Head suddenly rises]

Sh*t! What the hell? Is the storm inside my house now??!!! I can't FIND MY HAPPY PLACE!!!! WHERE IS MY DAMN HAPPY PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Slow deliberate panting begins. Eyes bulge]

Mommmm!!!!!!!!!!!!

[I rush to his side and we ride out the very scary scary storm until it goes away. Finnegan receives treats for his "brave" conduct during a storm.]

Sucker.

Results from the Very Scientific National Taste Test

A voice almost in a whisper: Finnegan does not know it but his national brand dog has been switched with Innova Evo. Let's see how he likes it.

2.5 cups of Innova Evo are scooped into his bowl and placed before the majestic Finnegan.

CHOMP CHOMP CHOMPETTY CHOMP GULP. BURRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Ahhhhhh.....

The voice: Folks, I think we have our answer. Finnegan likes it! He really likes it! But the real results will be if his humans can sit a in a room with him without rushing out of the house with tears in their eyes due to the noxious fumes emitting from his arse.

Two hours later, and no fumes, eruptions, or any other horrendous incidents resulted from Finnegan's posterior end.

The voice: Folks, yes, yes, we have confirmed our answer. Finnegan likes it, and the humans like the results. Tune in next time when Finnegan tries Canidae Lamb and Rice.

[Applause as lights dim]