I can't even say that awful awful word out loud. The thought of it makes me shudder. Ewwww! Yesterday, it finally stopped snowing and it was actually 75 degrees. That's right. 75 degrees Fahrenheit. That's, um, warmish-hot in Celsius. And of course, with what does warm weather equate? Yes, that's right, water and soap. On me. What's wrong with the way I smell? I am glorious in my odoriferous wonder. I like to call it Canine Couture. But no. Mommy and Daddy thought I smelled a little like wet dog. Well what did they think was going to happen after they bathed me? Hmm? WET DOG AGAIN. Duh.
The thing is that Mommy is a good con woman. To get me over to the bathing spot, she pulls out my leash like we are going for a walk. So of course I'm all "OH BOY! OH BOY! WE'RE GOING FOR A WALK!" And then I realize: "Wait a minute, I know where you are taking me. " This is when I use my full body weight, dig my heels into the ground, and STOP THIS MADNESS. Eventually, after pushing, prodding, begging, and bribing, I reluctantly follow Mommy to the bathing spot.
WHOOSH! A stream of lukewarm water hits me. Humans seriously enjoy showers? And then, the worst part. Mommy squirts the lilac girlish smelling shampoo down my long back and on my tummy. Couldn't she have chosen something more manly? Like Eau de Mud Puddle? I must admit, I enjoyed the massaging of the soap into my skin. Okay, this isn't so bad. I can take this for awhile.
WHOOSH! Yet again, she hits me with the water. Wasn't once enough? Bleck! Finally, after rinsing, rinsing, rinsing, rinsing, AND rinsing again, the soap is gone.
Now it's time for me to shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah all the water off. WHOOHOO! This is the best part. Mommy takes a huge towel and begins the drying process. This is the part where I take my massive cranium and play the part of the bull. I crash into the towel and into Mommy to rub my head dry. This is fun!
Finally the game is over. Mommy brings me a new fresh bowl of water and two treats, really I think I deserved twenty, and for the rest of the day I alternated between relaxing in the sun and shade. I know, I know, I really lead such a hard life.