National Taste Test - Food #2
Creepy quiet announcer voice in background: Again, Finnegan does not know it, because honestly he doesn't really care, as long as he gets fed, I mean come really but oh yeah, Finnegan doesn't know it but we have switched his national dog food brand with Canidae Lamb and Rice.
[Three scoops of doggy goodness clink into his stainless steel bowl]
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP SUCTION NOISE GULP - AHHHHHHH. BELCH.
Creepy quiet announcer voice returns: Well, this is a shocker. Finnegan gobbled down his food without noticing anything was different. I mean, he used to eat lamb and rice, and OH! This is lamb and rice. This dog is not a very discriminating connoisseur of lamb and rice. What a chump. He must be one of those white trash Irish Wolfhounds from out west.
What, huh? It's supposed to be different than my usual Lamb and Rice? Really? More pricey? Okay. Sure. It's um, reminiscent of a French Bordeaux, or something....like...that. What? Less fillers so my poops are smaller? Really? But I love huge poops! I want satellite dishes from outer space to SEE my poops. They are glorious! All should pay homage to my huge poops!
[Finnegan, your mom and dad do not want huge poops to pick up. Sorry, buddy.]
Creepy whispering announcer voice: The real test: will Finnegan emit noxious fumes from his arse or run to the back door with his bum cheeks clenched together.
[Okay, not a pleasant image but it's our reality man!]
[Several hours later and no fumes or runny dogsbursts]
Creepy voice: Well folks, the proof is in the pooping. No fumes, no diarrhea, and smaller more compact poops for easy scooping. And frankly, I don't think this dog would notice if we cut up a Jimmy Choo strappy stiletto and put it in his bowl. He would eat that too. Tune in next time when Finnegan tries Timberwolf and some other flavors of Innova and Canidae and doesn't. even. notice.