Another FREAKIN' Public Service Announcement

I know, I know. You humans just LOVE those purdy fireworks all shiny and loud. For some reason, celebrating the independence of this darling country must involve loud explosions. Fine. I am sort of kinda okay with the big fireworks that you must display all at once at the lake. At least you get it over with.

HOWEVER! Please STOP S-T-O-P with the DAMN fireworks by my house. And yes, I know they are by my house because my mommy found evidence of one such device in our front yard. There is no need to blow sh*t up in a neighborhood where the houses are all near each other and there are big FLAMMABLE YOU KNOW CATCH ON FIRE AND BURN trees all around. AND I do not care if your explosion creates an image of George Washington doing a jig to Yankee Doodle Dandy. PLEASE! No more fireworks. You will make a blind three-legged Irish Wolfhound extremely happy. And that's all the counts, right?